well i havent made any joke threads yet so here is my go at it:

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table when a hot blonde walks up and bets $20,000 on a single roll of the dice. "I hope you don't mind," she says to the two men, "but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." She strips naked and rolls the dice.

As the dice come to a stop, she jumps up and down screams, "I WON I WON!!"
She then hugs both the dealers, picks up her money and her clothes, and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded.

Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll, anyway?"

The other answers, "I don't know. I thought YOU were watching."

---------------------------

A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business!

The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $300.00 a week. Why?"

The CEO then hands the guy $1,200 in cash and screams, "Here's four weeks pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"

Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"

With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's

LOL, I liked them =)

The other answers, "I don't know. I thought YOU were watching."

Unfortunately for the dealers, this casino was run by the mob, their funerals will never be held as their bodies will never be found.

Sorry Bah, that just sucked... Thread ruined.

last edited by Protius at 15:19:51 19/Feb/06

Gee and it had so much potential with these new fangled joke things too.

Bah's funeral will be held shortly

A blonde went into a worldwide message center to send a message To her mother overseas

When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed:
"I don't have any money...
But I'll do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother"

The man arched an eyebrow, and said,
"Anything?"

"Yes, yes, anything," the blonde promised

Well, then, "Just follow me," said the man as he walked towards the next room
The blonde did as she was told and followed the man

"Come in and close the door," the man said
She did

He then said "Now get on your knees."
She did

"Now take down my zipper."
She did

"Now go ahead, take it out."

She reached in and grabbed it with both hands
Then paused

The man closed his eyes and whispered,
"Well ... go ahead."

The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it close to her lips,
...tentatively said,

"Hello. Mum, can you hear me?"

Every joke in this thread sucks.

This thread now needs a funeral thanks for Bah.

She then hugs both the dealers, picks up her money and her clothes, and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded.

unfortunately you don't pick up your money when you win, you pick up gaming chips which would have to be counted out by a dealer...

last edited by infi at 17:11:00 19/Feb/06

A young Aussie lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job. The
manager asked "Do you have any sales experience?"
The young man answered "Yeah, I was a salesman back home."
The manager liked the Aussie so he gave him the job.

His first day on the job was challenging and busy, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the manager came down and asked "OK, so how many sales did you make today?"
The Aussie said "One."
The manager groaned and continued "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"

"£124,237.64" the Aussie said.

The manager choked and exclaimed "£124,237.64 ! What the hell did you sell him?"

"Well, first I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium fish hook, and then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he would need a boat. So we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin-engined Power Cat".

"Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to car sales and I sold him the 4 x 4 Suzuki".

The manager, incredulous, said "You mean to tell me.... a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and 4x4?"

"No no no" said the Aussie, "he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his lady friend and I said ....'Well, since your weekend's f***ed, you might as well go fishing'."

Lonewolf saves the thread!!