A very ugly woman walks into a shop with her two sons.
A man asks her:
"Are they twins?"
puzzled the woman replies, "No... one is 3 years old and the other is 10.Why do u ask?"
the man replies:
"No particular reason, i just cant believe someone f***ed you twice".

A waiter delivered a bottle of fine Merlot to a beautiful woman and said, "This is from the gentleman at the bar."
She looked at the wine and the man for a moment, and then sent back a written reply.
The gentleman read it. "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in the garage, a million dollars in the bank, and seven inches in your pants."
He read the note, and then composed one of his own. She read, "For your information, I have a Ferrari, a BMW, a Mercedes and a Porsche in my garage and twenty million in the bank, but not even for a woman as beautiful as you would I cut off three inches.
Send back the wine!"

Two women friends were caught short while making their way home after a night in the pub.

They were near a graveyard, so one suggested they do their business behind a headstone.

One had nothing to wipe with, so she thought she'd take off her panties and use them, then throw them away. Her friend was wearing rather expensive underwear, and didn't want to
ruin hers - but salvaged a large ribbon from a wreath on one of the graves, and proceeded to use it. They then made off for home.

The next day one woman's husband phoned the other's husband and said: "We'd better keep an eye on our wives, you know. Mine came home last night without her panties."

"That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck to her arse that read: 'From all the lads at the fire station. We'll never forget you.

i lol'd at the last one

2nd one was average but the other 2 were pretty kickass

Tanaka comes up with the funny

for the first one

"the doctor says the man will make a full recovery"

hahah

replying to your own thread, just edit ffs

I'd love to be able to edit infi, but for some reason every time i enter my details in the edit screen it locks up (Using Firefox, any suggestions you have to get around this problem would be greatly appreciated).

Edit- HAHA, I scrolled back through my old emails and discovered I had been entering an older password I had to the site. Thanks infi, your post got me moving!!

last edited by Tanaka Khan at 01:32:37 19/Jan/06

He read the note, and then composed one of his own. She read, "For your information, I have a Ferrari, a BMW, a Mercedes and a Porsche in my garage and twenty million in the bank, but not even for a woman as beautiful as you would I cut off three inches.
Send back the wine!"

That's very nearly as bad as the bandwagon whitewolf brought up.

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday
evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he
was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and
showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I
want something very special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought
another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the
jeweler said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled
with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by
check. " I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write
it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll
pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man.
"There's no money in that account."

"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?".

Two Middle East mothers are sitting in the cafe chatting over a pint of goat's milk.

The older of the mothers pulls her bag out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing.

"This is my oldest son Mohammed. He's 24 years old now"

"Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully.

"He's a martyr now though" mum confides.

"Oh, so sad dear" says the other.

"And this is my second son, Kalid. He's 21"

"Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born".

"He's a martyr too" says mum quietly.

"Oh gracious me ." says the other.

"And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He's 18", she whispers.

"Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school".

"He's a martyr also," says mum, with tears in her eyes.

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says..................................




"They blow up so fast, don't they?"

link?

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.
The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"

The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."

"You're wasting your time," said the boy.

"Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled.

"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up again."