What's the best sexual position to produce ugly children?

ASK UR MUM

Oh this is my kind of thread.

A pregnant blonde a pregnant brunette and a pregnant redhead are sitting around talking about their babies-to-be.
The redhead says "My baby is gonna be a girl because I was on my back when I conceived"
The brunette goes "My baby is going to be a boy because I was riding on top"
And the blonde thinks about it for a minute and goes "oh s*** I'm having puppies!"

hahahaha

Little Johnny walks in on his Mum having a shower.
"Whats that?" he asks as he points to her pussy.
"Thats my pussy Johnny" she replies.

A few days latter he walks in on his Grandmother having a shower, he runs out crying when his Mum intercepts him.
"Whats wrong Johnny?" she asks.
"You know how you I saw your pussy the other day!" he says.
"Yes" replies his Mum.
"Well I just saw Grandma's, and its dead cause its toungue is hanging out!"

mum jokes are so old, i remember them in like grade 5

Well done Gumby, that's great.

8-)

DG - old

gumby, i think im gonna be sick :/

as i read gumby's post i think my stomach churned :\ so wrong

Three pregnant women are sitting, chatting and knitting jumpers for their expected kids.

The first one says "I hope that I have a baby boy, because I'm knitting a blue jumper."

The second says "I hope that I have a girl because I'm knitting a pink jumper."

The third woman says "I hope my kid is a spastic, because I've f***ed up the arms."

haha! ^

teh funneh is absent!

i dont find any of these slightly amusing.

cause your boring. there funny

no i just dont like these types of jokes.

its they're or they are, not there.

lil jonny walks in while his mum is in the shower
"whats that mummy"
"well jonny that my sponge"
"how do you use that then mummy"
"you don't jonny its just called that"

jonny looks back puzzled and replies

"well how come i saw daddy washing his face with my teachers"

For those of you who like to say old in threads-

Why did the guy, that says "old" in threads cross the road?

-Cause he was a gay faget

Get a life.

"i'm cool cause i've heard it before!!! look at me!!! i'm soo f***ing special - i heard it before you!!!!!"

Hi my name's DG and I'm a stupidhead la la la la la I smell too! la la la

So you've stolen my identity and kept ur own traits?

The 3 stages of sexual relationships

1. Kitchen Sex.
This phase of the relationship usually lasts a few years, the couple engage in sexual ativities throughtout the house and at every availiable opportunity.

2. Bedroom Sex
During this phase the couple settle down into a routine, which usually invloves Friday Night Sex in the bedroom, along with Birthday Sex and Anniversary Sex.

3. Hallway Sex
This is the final stage and similar to stage 1 it is done outside of the bedroom, usually by this stage the couple have seperate bedrooms anyway. It involves the couple expressing their love for one another as they pass in the hallway, exchanging pleasantries at each other, usually in the vain of "f*** You!!".

Mama jokes have always been old skoo, and i think the first one that i heard way back in time was:

"yo mama so fat, she was diagnosed with a flesh eating disease and the doctors gave her 30 years to live"

First dad joke i heard ?

"yo dad so dumb, he trips over cordless phones"

=/

gumby its 4 steps

4. Courtroom Sex
Where she stands up infront of everyone and f***s you out of half your money and your car.

goes something like that, cbf googling the real thing.

All good :)

Minus Pluck Me Dead's of course :)

A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm. She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it."

Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes.

Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. And she explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a plow.

The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, do you want to follow me over to K-Mart now?"

***************

You know you're a Star Wars geek when...

When you pass out while trying to move a pencil across the desk with the Force.

When you get jealous of luke because his light saber is double the size of yours

You found this page with intentions of locating the Star Wars "greek" club.

You would love to have Frank Oz stick his hand up your ass so you can be as wise as Yoda

When you get into a fight, you automaticly find yourself reaching for a lightsaber...

If you get your head stuck in a bucket pretending your Darth Vader.

When you spend time watching the Star Wars trilogy because you think there will be a test on it later.

You punch out trekkies who say "Death star my ass, I'd like to see those losers take out DS9".

With a blue-tinted plastic tube, a flashlight, two hours of a saturday night, and 4 rolls of blue electrical tape, you finally complete your own working "Light-saber"

Your room is filthy except for your "Star Wars Area."

You put on a luminous coloured condom and walk around humming, pretending you're a light-saber

You name your right hand 'Leia'

You waste three hours and 8,000 brain cells a day coming up with jokes for this page.

You think you are the life of the party because you imitate Yoda's voice and have him say things a Jedi master wouldn't say.

Whenever you get in trouble, you mutter "I have a bad feeling about this."

When you listen for Obi-Wan while attempting to parralell park.

When your father asks you how fast your car is, you reply,"Fast enough for you, old man."

When you need to go to the toilet, you say "Intensify Foward firepower, I don't want anything to get through"

You ram a model X-Wing up someone else's a****** and congratulate yourself for finding the only weak spot.

Your girlfriend is called "Jabba the Slut."

You don't have any money to buy food or clothes but you have a kick-ass STAR WARS collection.

You swear you saw Obi-Wan in your Cheerios.

You get caught doing your Darth Vader impression in the bathroom. (what are you doing in there son? *heavy breathing*YOUR POWERS ARE WEAK OLD MAN!!!!)

When you wake up screaming, "Luke it's a trap!"

You know you're a Star Wars geek when you unsuccessfully get the last cheerio in the bowl and instinctively mutter, "The Force is strong in this one."

You start to see visions of Ben Kenobi telling you to go to bed.

When you spend eight hours at the library printing this crap out over and over...

When your girlfriend says you have a small dick and you say "You underestimate the power of the force."

You Find yourself Getting Beaten up for saying everyone's lines 2 seconds before they do in the theatre.

When... Your first sentence was "I have a bad feeling about this."

When you find yourself quoting the opening lines of "A New Hope".....and don't stop until 125 minutes later.

You curse out people that go,"Yeah! I know who Obi-Wan Kenobi is! Isn't he that guy with the funky ears that goes,"Live Long and Prosper?"

You punch out people that say,"But I thought Han Solo flew the Enterprise?"

You can't resist to hum when you turn on a flashlight

Before sex, you look at your penis and say "Get in there, you furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!"

You're a Star Wars geek when your teacher hands you your test back and says "commas are your weakness." You shoot back: "And your faith in your friends is yours!"

When someone talks about people getting abducted by little green men you say, "Yoda would never do such a thing!"

38. you actually feel the need to attack Star Wars geeks with a camera to prove that you are not of their kind.

After looking at your tiny dick you remember yoda's saying "size matters not."

When, you're drunker than you've ever been in your life and still know that the possibilitiy of successfully navigating an asteroid field is 3,720 to one.

You buy 2 copies of the trilogy just so you could have the full Darth Vader Helmet.

You've wached the trilogy more times than mark hammil.

When you heard of Titanic getting more money than Star Wars, you immediately reached for your home-made lightsaber and started a hunt for James Cameron.

You respond to your friends taunting of "HA! HA! Titanic beat Star Wars!" by clenching your teeth and grunting "We'll get 'em in the prequels"

You sabotage the Titanic theatre to play Star Wars: A New Hope when the ship starts to sink.

You call in bomb threats every time Titanic starts playing and then start giggling uncontrollably when you watch the people running out.

You finnally figure out that ANH rearanged is Han

You point out to people that given inflation Star Wars kicked Titanic's Ass by nearly 300 million.

When your boss forwards all of your checks to the local Star Wars supplier.

The first thing you think of when you hear the words "hot, wet and horny" is a sweating bantha.

During sex, you're still rearanging the figures on your shelf.

You stand up a date to put jokes on this page.

You go to star wars conventions with the sole purpose of getting laid.

Aminitor

You wake up with a hangover blood on your hands and a ripped t-shirt that says trekkies forever

You have a tan line from your Darth Vader helment.

At the airport, when the clerk asks you if anyone else has handled your bag you say,"No, it's just me, the boy, two droids...and no questions asked.

When your stuck doing f***in 'yoga' classes because of a misprint on the advertisement

Before sex you say, "This may smell bad, kid, but it will keep you warm".

You know you're a Star Wars geek when...you spend hours thinking up the new catchphrase "the prequels are gonna sink Titanic!

A friend gets a kick ass home audio/video center and you tell him, "Don't be too proud of this technological terror you've constructed."

During sex, you're still rearanging the figures on your shelf.

What? With your free hand???

no with leia!! (ie your right hand...:P)

New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."
.
And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skins say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."
.
Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."
.
Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
.
Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." (now that is beautiful)
.
Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."
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Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter on King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."
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Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."
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Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."
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Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January)
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Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'"
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Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."
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Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded: "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss good-bye." (Dead man walkin' )

^^ HAHA ^^