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fpot
Posts: 15330
Location: Gold Coast, Queensland
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The Urban Fox
After slumbering most of the day, the urban fox awoke just as the sun settled down over the distant hinterland. Stretching it's long body, it began to explore it's territory. Perched on a hill, it's den overlooked four lanes of main road and the industrial buildings that lay across from it. Trees surround the foxes den, with moist, soft earth to make new holes and food caches in. The fox knew there were others of his kind about, but few enough that usually just his scent markings were enough to keep them away. Of course the most important thing in the fox's life was food and the steady supply of it. Each night he would snake through the low dense bush towards the main road. The fox slowed as he got closer to the road. An unpleasant odor always caused him to be wary as he approached. Even more than usual his nose would be busy, sniffing the air for threats. That night as he got closer to the road he saw something just to the side of it. Edging closer to inspect what it was, he saw the corpse of a fellow fox on the side of the road. After sniffing it a few times, the fox then made his way across. On the other side of the road in the industrial area were two buildings that were of great interest to the fox. A bread factory, and next to it, a food processing plant. The waste product from these two buildings caused rodents to frequent the area. Without much effort the fox would usually come home with three large rats in it's mouth. This night was no different and the fox crossed back over the road. It scurried through the low bush and up the hill to it's destination. Suddenly the fox dropped it's prey, tensing and sniffing the air. An unfamiliar but welcome scent permeated the cool night air. It's head low to the ground, the fox slowly crept his way through the scrub. As the scent got stronger the fox slowed it's pace, knowing that whatever it was lay just beyond the long grass in front of him. Peeking his nose through he saw a vixen pawing at one of his food caches. The fox made it's way into the clearing. The vixen, reacting immediately, submitted by rolling and exposing it's soft underbelly. The fox looked curiously at the stranger. Usually the smell of another fox is a cause for alarm, to spring into action and defend it's territory, but there was something different about this scent. The sight and smell of this fox caused something to click, a sort of instinctive urge that must be followed. The fox trotted over to the vixen, and after realising a confrontation wasn't forthcoming, both foxes began to smell and inspect each other. Life went on for the fox much as it did before. After dusk it would make it's way through the low bush, slowing and sniffing the air as it approached the road. After crossing the road it would find and kill it's prey and then make the return trip home. However while in the past it would eat and then bury the remaining food, it would now bring a share back for it's new found companion. The fox felt strange sharing it's food at first but after awhile the attraction it felt to the vixen erased that feeling. Something that ran against the grain of all his survival instincts bubbled to the surface since running into her. In the past he lived a selfish life, finding food, burying food and digging holes just for himself. Now he did these things for two, and even though it was harder and reduced his chances of survival, he knew he had to keep at it. The fox also felt a need for extra vigilance as he patrolled his territory, the vixen was becoming larger and more defenseless to any threats that may be lurking on his borders. The fox returned home that night and dropped the food at the vixen's feet, her appreciative eyes looking back at the fox as she nuzzled him affectionately. Both foxes retired to the corner of their large den, and using each other for warmth, fell asleep. It was the next night, and as the fox made his way closer to his den, he heard sounds of distress. Dropping the rats from his jaws, he streaked towards his home. Entering, he saw the vixen in obvious pain and discomfort. For a while the fox was scared and confused, not knowing what was happening and also worried about his companion. After a few minutes of confusion, the fox noticed a wet furry bundle down near the abdomen area of the vixen. The scent was completely new to the fox, and he approached the bundle and began licking it clean, wondering what it was. As he licked the first one clean, three more bundles appear, and the vixen licked the others clean herself. When they were done the two foxes stared proudly at the four squirming cubs in front of them. Before all these events in his life, the fox would have seen these blind defenseless infants as nothing but an easy meal. Now when he looked at his cubs he saw not only the survival of himself, but something deeper. A feeling that for him to properly live then these cubs must live as well. The road was south of his den, and the fox rarely traveled north. Up the hill were only houses, which contained no prey for the fox, and also humans, which gave off a scent the fox was terrified of. That night, one of the residents made a small mistake before going to bed. As she closed one of the gates in her yard a latch failed to click home. All the gate needed to open was a slight push. Belonging to this person were two dogs, who longed for the freedom of the bushland that spread out behind her house. The fox made his way back to the den after another successful hunt. The fox had learned many lessons over the past few months. Before he was only capable of taking care of himself but the lessons he had learned had made him capable of so much more. During the time with his vixen he had been taught how to look after others, how to make sure that not only he but his offspring's survival are ensured. Suddenly loud noises and an ominous scent caused the fox to again drop his prey and quickly make his way back to the den. It didn't take long for the two large dogs to find their way through the unlocked gate. Buoyed by their new-found freedom, the dogs bounded their way into the bush to see what trouble they could get up to. Following a scent trail they didn't recognize, they made their way south towards a bunch of tall trees. The dogs approached the clearing and stopped, noticing an enticing looking hole dug into the side of a small hill. The vixen heard and smelled the dogs coming, and had put herself between the entry and her cubs. Her ears twitched with panic as she heard and smelt the dogs making their way towards her den. The vixen went low to the ground and bore her teeth, trying to make herself look threatening as she saw the two sets of eyes just outside the foxhole. The dogs, startled by the strange animal at first, then began to growl and bare their teeth. They descended upon her, and despite her fight the dogs made short work of her, and even shorter work of the cubs. During the vixen's last moments she thought of her cubs, and also of where her precious fox could be. The fox's nose was sticking through the grass, much like his first sighting of the vixen, as the two dogs made their way towards his den. Instinctive urges raged in the fox's mind, not knowing exactly what to do. As the dogs began to lay waste to his vixen and cubs, the realisation that he would die if he intervened dawned upon him. Conflict arose in his thinking, as the feeling that the cubs must survive battled with the instincts of his own survival. The sound of the struggle abruptly ended in the foxhole, and the two dogs emerged with bloody jaws. A shrill whistle in the distance caused the dogs to stand to attention, and then make their way back up the hill, and as they did, the fox made his way slowly towards the den. The owner of the two dogs stood at the top of the hill by the open gate as she watched the two dogs running towards her. She admonished them, and then watched them run back through the gate into the yard. As she was turning to enter the yard herself, a sound startled her. A long, howling human like scream, as the urban fox learned another lesson. _____ |
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| #0 08:51am 23/05/08 |
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system
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Mr Hardware
Posts: 3131
Location: Caloundra, Sunshine Coast, Queensland
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* N U K E D *
Reason: Inappropriate |
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#1 09:34am 23/05/08
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boba
Cainer
Posts: 3049
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
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get a life
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| #2 08:55am 23/05/08 |
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mission
Posts: 3753
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
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After slumbering?
I only got that far. |
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| #3 08:56am 23/05/08 |
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levels
Posts: 619
Location:
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cliffs notes please
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| #4 09:04am 23/05/08 |
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N-Dude
Posts: 463
Location: USA
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I don't want to sound like an internet critic, but, hell, you posted it here. The idea is good, the execution is mediocre. Much of the story is quite irrelevant, which is usually excused by vivid imagery but in this case is not. It just needs something, either humour, mental stimulation or visceral emotions to make it really pop.
I charge $40 per draft. |
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| #5 09:21am 23/05/08 |
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fpot
Posts: 15331
Location: Gold Coast, Queensland
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I reckon it needs shortening.
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| #6 09:28am 23/05/08 |
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TiT
Posts: 1475
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
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i see lots of words
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| #7 09:34am 23/05/08 |
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trog
AGN Admin
Posts: 23747
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
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I think posting 'tl;dr' will soon be a bannable offense
if you have nothing useful to add, kindly save your comments for a time when you do Good story, nice writing, a little depressing though |
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| #8 09:36am 23/05/08 |
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jmr
Posts: 5867
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
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Yeah too early for depressing s*** like that fpot, fox should've owned. Hope this isn't an autobiography
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| #9 09:38am 23/05/08 |
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fpot
Posts: 15332
Location: Gold Coast, Queensland
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Hope this isn't an autobiographyNah I need a vixen for that :P |
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| #10 09:44am 23/05/08 |
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Le Cock
Posts: 4648
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
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what a depressing story
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| #11 10:17am 23/05/08 |
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GaZ
Posts: 2041
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
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can someone summarise into 2 lines ;lease
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| #12 11:23am 23/05/08 |
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Fireblood
Posts: 8258
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
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can someone summarise into 2 lines please |
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| #13 11:26am 23/05/08 |
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jmr
Posts: 5871
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
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Story about a fox who is lonely, finds a vixen, learns how to provide for 2
Dogs get let out from a property one day and f*** up vixen and cubs, fox goes back to fpot mode and lets them die |
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| #14 11:27am 23/05/08 |
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fpot
Posts: 15336
Location: Gold Coast, Queensland
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The fox wasn't lonely !@!@!@
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| #15 11:53am 23/05/08 |
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nubbin
Posts: 393
Location: Gold Coast, Queensland
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It's ITS!!! Not IT'S!
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| #16 12:18pm 23/05/08 |
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infi
Posts: 8774
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
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Didn't do much for me. Needs more characters to be involved in. Personification of the enemy... etc.
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| #17 12:30pm 23/05/08 |
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natslovR
Posts: 1666
Location: Canberra, Australian Capital Territory
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I think posting 'tl;dr' will soon be a bannable offense I fully support this proposition. Over-use of the semicolon is pretentious; gay. |
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| #18 01:07pm 23/05/08 |
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Spook
Posts: 21675
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
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ohnos
im in trouble then |
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| #19 01:09pm 23/05/08 |
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infi
Posts: 8775
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
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I think posting 'tl;dr' will soon be a bannable offense I personally think people should be encouraged to be more concise on the Internet and this is the commonly accepted standard for communicating that concept. |
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| #20 01:10pm 23/05/08 |
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Jim
Posts: 7915
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
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being a dick and then saying you're not going to be while coating it in a very, very thin layer of sugar, doesn't mean you're not being a dick fyi
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| #21 05:12pm 23/05/08 |
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Jim
Posts: 7916
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
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no
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| #22 05:19pm 23/05/08 |
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Persay
Posts: 4989
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
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hehe he said moist...
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| #23 05:21pm 23/05/08 |
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Spook
Posts: 21679
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
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less writing, moar beating to death of patrons with all your buddies plez
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| #24 06:11pm 23/05/08 |
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Idol
Posts: 2517
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
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I disagree with trying to manually shape the culture of qgl, you get whatever comes out and that's it
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| #25 06:15pm 23/05/08 |
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koopz
Posts: 6981
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
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break it down over the next 8 on 9 forum subjects you reply to...
it'll avoid the tl;dr comments, and hey - you know this worked for Lost :P btw - keep it going dude |
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| #26 07:15pm 23/05/08 |
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Fish
Posts: 2499
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
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tl;dr
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| #27 08:16pm 23/05/08 |
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B.Hardball
Posts: 7988
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
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Transfer: Pigeons Can Do It and So Can We |
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| #28 08:38pm 23/05/08 |
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infi
Posts: 8777
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
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WTF?
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| #29 09:23pm 23/05/08 |
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koopz
Posts: 6982
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
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I think what Billy was trying to say was:
the lowest common denominator will always win out. *meh* last edited by koopz at 21:34:54 23/May/08 |
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| #30 09:34pm 23/05/08 |
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fpot
Posts: 15338
Location: Gold Coast, Queensland
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Funny, you once told me that my writing was atrocious and that you had to reread it continually because it could not be understood (or something to that effect).I never said anything like that! Are you talking about that eugenics thread? I think that went more like you saying 'you don't understand what I am saying' or something. Thanks for the critque though. |
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| #31 02:29am 24/05/08 |
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crazymorton
Posts: 449
Location: Gladstone, Queensland
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if anyone else is bored i have 2 x 3000 word papers due next friday that i should be writing instead of reading this thread!
whats tl;dr mean anyway? |
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| #32 12:50pm 24/05/08 |
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B.Hardball
Posts: 7992
Location: Brisbane, Queensland
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Too long; didn't read. Definitely up there as one of the lamest abbreviations on the internet unless used in a highly comical fashion.
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| #33 01:49pm 24/05/08 |
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crazymorton
Posts: 450
Location: Gladstone, Queensland
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ahh...thx Will
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| #34 02:00pm 24/05/08 |
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system
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| #34 |
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