The Koala and the Little Lizard



A koala is sitting up a gumtree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says "Hey Koala! What are you doing?"

The koala says: "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."

So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints.

After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river.

But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.

A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard: "What's the matter with you?"

The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.

The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!"



So the koala looks down at him and says:



"Faaaaarrrrk dude....... how much water did you drink?!!"

lol

That actually got a laugh out of me haha

LOL

A very sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants
her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were loose and flapping.
Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret
and the surgeon agreed.

Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found three roses
carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately
calls in the doctor. "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about
my operation!"

The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality
and that the first rose was from him: "I felt sad because you went
through this all by yourself."

"The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and
empathized because she had the same procedure done some time ago."

"And what about the third rose?" she asked.

"Oh, that rose is from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to
thank you for his new ears.".

i don't get it

You wins mav.

"Oh, that rose is from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to
thank you for his new ears.".

gOLD!

thumbs up mav

gLAME

Shit

Fwhat?

Bworstattemptatpostingpatternever

kTRUE

nice one dale

well done all involved.

Um, old joke told wrong. Its mean to be 'LIPS' not 'EARS'.

Which actually ads more meaning to the joke.

.gsflib kthxhashy

Um, old joke told wrong. Its mean to be 'LIPS' not 'EARS'.

Which actually ads more meaning to the joke.

um, no, it's meant to be ears. if you say 'lips' again it detracts from the joke.
1) they don't look like actual lips in the first place, and the burn victim would have no use for the other kind
2) part of the humour is 'surprise association', it's too easy to link 'lips' with 'lips', therefore it is not as funny
and
3) when you get into writing, you'll learn that you can't repeat words (for a number of reasons). like this: "The man silently slept in silence while silently breathing in his silent sleep." extremely bad writing. when writing, you're meant to be conveying a message of a sort with precision and clarity, repeating a word makes it seem as if you're repeating information, which then becomes seen as 'useless' in the piece

yeaj i have no idea either i just googled and bam!

Yeah dice, but if you remove the word "lips" from the initial para, so the woman simply gets a vagina reduction, the reader does not immediately associate the word lips. Therefore the "lips" at the end provides a nice double entendre.

Using ears, while not essentially bad, is definitely the lesser of the two options, as the visual element is better realised with "lips". Also, the joke becomes more offensive, as having vagina lips replacing actual lips is a more tactile element - I think the lips and mouth is an area more readily associated with intimate sensory experience (taste and touch) and so "lips" appeals to our sense that the mouth, like a vagina is a intimately personal space.

So in conclusion, vote 1 "lips".

3) when you get into writing, you'll learn that you can't repeat words (for a number of reasons)

On the contrary, repetition is used to great effect in many kinds of writing as a tool to emphasise and reiterate ideas. It is particularly effective in humourous writing. You will notice that some stand up comedians use repetition to great effect eg. Eddie Murphy's famous "half" line in Delirious. It is in fact the repetition of this which makes it funny.
When you get into writing, you'll find that rules and generalisations are best avoided, because they make you look like you don't know what you are talking about.

last edited by IncrEdible_vEgetable at 09:31:27 22/Sep/06

last edited by IncrEdible_vEgetable at 09:32:35 22/Sep/06

This thread is no longer funny.

^seconded.

actually dice is 100% right.

Everyone is right and can go and get themselves a cookie!

The joke is this thread.

Hah, I just finally got the first joke :)

Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly,
”I was artificially inseminated this morning.”
”I don’t believe you,” said Dolly.
”It’s true, no bull!” exclaimed Daisy.

whoa that sucked

ok then

A beautiful young woman, on an international flight, asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favour?" "Of course you may. What can I do for you?" He replies.

"Well, I bought this expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid that they'll confiscate it from me. Is there anyway that you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie." "With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they got to Customs, the young lady let the priest go ahead of her. The Customs Officer asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

The Priest looked the customs officer in the eyes and replied "From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The Officer thought this answer strange, so he asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvellous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused." Roaring with laughter, the Officer said, "God bless you, Father, go ahead."

Give up.

That was decent
Perhaps you should give up Hashy, so much bitterness.
Find a nice quiet gutter an just bleed out mkay =)

A Catholic, a Baptist, and a Mormon are bragging about the size of their families.
"I have four boys and my wife is expecting another. One more son and I''''ll have a basketball team!" said the Catholic.

"That''''s nothing!'''''''' said the Baptist. ''''''''I have ten boys now, and my wife is pregnant with another child. One more son and I''''ll have a football team!"

"You both should be ashamed of yourselves!'''''''' said the Mormon. ''''''''I have seventeen wives. One more and I''''ll have a golf course!"


and don't blame me if it sucks, blame google

''''''''Hermitech funniest of thread''''''''

damn you, google!!

In honour of the recent international talk like a pirate day..........

A pirate gets shipwrecked. When he wakes up, he's on a beach. The sand
is dark red. He can't believe it. The sky is dark red. He walks around a
bit and sees that there is dark red grass, dark red birds and dark red
fruit on the dark red trees. He's shocked when he finds that his skin is
starting to turn dark red too.

"Oh no!!" he says, "I think I've been marooned!!"

i'll pay that

For New Zealanders:

Is sheep shearing a sport or strip tease?

id tell a joke but i steal em all from qgl.

A pirate gets shipwrecked. When he wakes up, he's on a beach. The sand
is dark red. He can't believe it. The sky is dark red. He walks around a
bit and sees that there is dark red grass, dark red birds and dark red
fruit on the dark red trees. He's shocked when he finds that his skin is
starting to turn dark red too.

"Oh no!!" he says, "I think I've been marooned!!"

LOL

LOL.... simple yet quite amusing.

Kerri Anne Kennerley

scary-anne?

Little Johnny sits down to dinner one night with his father and asks his dad "Whats politics all about?"

Dad: Well son, think of me as the government. I go out, do all the work and bring the money into the family (country). Think of your mother as the economy because she likes to think she manages it and spends it, think of the nanny as the working class.. since she is working for me and your mother. Think of yourself as "The People" since you are young and and have your say, and your little baby brother as the future.

Johnny: "Ok dad will do"

So Johnny goes to bed, only to wake up half way through the night to the sound of his little baby brother crying, he goes to his brothers room and checks on him, only to find out his baby brother has crapped himself. So he thinks to himself he'll go get mum, he walks to his parents room opens the door and see's mum sound asleep and dad nowhere to be seen. He figured well dad must be up so i'll just find him and not bother mum. He sets off to find his dad, however he can't find him anywhere, he gives up and decides to go get the nanny.. He tries to turn the handle of the nannies door only to find it locked, which is strange because its never locked.. so he peeps through the keyhole and there is his dad in bed with the nanny. "f*** it, i'll do it myself". So he goes back to his brothers room, changes him and goes back to bed.

Johnny wakes up the following morning and sits down to breakfast where his dad is and says "Dad i reckon i got this politics all figured out" and his dad replies "Oh really son? How so?" Johnny replied "Well... while the economy is sound asleep, the government is screwing the working class, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep s***!"

last edited by Raider at 14:00:12 25/Sep/06

heh?

Opening the nannies door only to find it locked

Fail.

Hahaha nice one Raider...

dont be a pedant dint

edited to make clint feel all warm inside

nannies

fail

edited to make clint feel all warm inside

Win.

Cl1nt

lose

I love you too dice.

thanks, and i you, sweet princess