Kevin Rudd was out jogging one morning along the harbour pathway near Kirribilli House in Sydney when he tripped, fell down a bank and landed in the water below. Before the Security detail guys could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water.

He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, 'I want to go to Movie World in QLD'

Kevin said, 'No problem, I'll take you there on my special Prime Minister's airplane.'

The second kid said, 'I want a new pair of Speedo 'SHARK' bathers.'

Kevin said, 'I'll get them for you, and even have Ian Thorpe sign them!'

The third kid said, ' I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset!'

Kevin was a little perplexed by this and said, 'But you don't look like you're handicapped.'

The kid said, 'I will be after my dad, tequila, finds out I saved your arse from drowning!'

the kid did the right thing

hahah let the fraud drown!

haha i sure would have kicked his ass, should have let the c*** sink

posting in a name drop thread

http://i189.photobucket.com/albums/z281/CindyBug555/Z1/funeral.jpg

lol ^

nice one FaceMan

8-)

winner faceman

posting in a name drop thread

posting in a name drop thread

posting in a name drop thread

posting in a name drop thread

posting in a name drop thread

posting.. oh you get the idea.

more jokes paying out KRudd!

Faceman, saving non-funny QGL threads since '02.

A reworked classic:

Kevin Rudd was visiting a primary school in Tasmania.

One class was in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asked Mr. Rudd if he would like to lead the discussion on the word ‘tragedy’.

So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a ‘tragedy’.

A little boy stood up and offered: ‘If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a ‘tragedy’.

‘No,’ said Rudd ‘that would be an accident.’

A little girl raised her hand: ‘If a school bus carrying fifty children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy’.

‘I’m afraid not,’ explained Mr. Rudd ‘that’s what we would call great loss’.

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Rudd searched the room. ‘Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?’

Finally, at the back of the room, little Johnny raised his hand.

In a quiet voice he said: ‘If a plane carrying you and Mrs. Rudd was struck by a ‘friendly fire’
missile & blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.’

‘Fantastic!’ exclaimed Rudd . ‘That’s right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?’

‘Well,’ says little Johnny ‘it has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn’t be a great loss and it probably wouldn’t be a f*cking accident either!’

Wow! The ultimate reworked classic courtesy of teh Googles

While on his morning walk, Prime Minister Kevin Rudd falls over, has a heart attack and dies because the accident and emergency dept at his nearest hospital is too understaffed to treat him in time.

So his soul arrives in Heaven and he is met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. 'Welcome to Heaven,' says Saint Peter, 'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a Socialist around these parts, so we're not sure what to do with you.'

'No problem, just let me in; I'm a good Christian; I'm a believer,' says the PM.

'I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from God. He says that since the implementation of his new HEAVEN CHOICES policy, you have to spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then you must choose where you'll live for eternity.'

'But I've already made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven,' replies Rudd

'I'm sorry .. But we have our rules,' Peter interjects. And, with that, St. Peter escorts him to a lift and he goes down, down, down ...all the way to Hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf course.

The sun is shining in a cloudless sky. The temperature is a perfect 22C degrees. In the distance is a beautiful club-house. Standing in front of it is Gough Whitlam and thousands of other Socialist luminaries who had helped him out over the years --- Bob Hawke, Paul Keating, etc. The whole of the Labour Party leaders were there ..

Everyone laughing, happy, and casually but expensively dressed.

They run to greet him, to hug him and to reminisce about the good times they had getting rich at the expense of 'suckers and peasants.'

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. The Devil himself comes up to Rudd with a frosty drink, 'Have a tequila and relax, Kev!'

'Uh, I can't drink anymore; I took a pledge,' says Rudd, dejectedly.

'This is Hell, son. You can drink and eat all you want and not worry and it just gets better from there!'

Rudd takes the drink and finds himself liking the Devil, who he thinks is a really very friendly bloke who tells funny jokes like himself and pulls hilarious nasty pranks, kind of like the ones the Labour Party pulled with their master strokes on Education, Immigration, Petrol prices, Tough on Crime promises.

They are having such a great time that, before he realises it, it's time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as Rudd steps on the lift and heads upward.

When the lift door reopens, he is in Heaven again and Saint Peter is waiting for him. 'Now it's time to visit Heaven,' the old man says, opening the gate.

So for 24 hours Rudd is made to hang out with a bunch of honest, good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about things other than money and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank or short-arse joke among them. No fancy country clubs here and, while the food tastes great, it's not caviar or lobster. And these people are all poor. He doesn't see anybody he knows and he isn't even treated like someone special!

'Whoa,' he says uncomfortably to himself. 'Gough Whitlam never prepared me for this!'

The day done, Saint Peter returns and says, 'Well, you've spent a day in Hell and a day in Heaven. Now choose where you want to live for Eternity.'

With the 'Deal or No Deal' theme playing softly in the background, Rudd reflects for a minute ... Then answers: 'Well, I would never have thought I'd say this -- I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all -- but I really think I belong in Hell with my friends.'

So Saint Peter escorts him to the lift and he goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell.

The doors of the lift open and he is in the middle of a barren scorched earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial wasteland, looking a bit like the eroded, rabbit and fox affected Australian outback, but worse and more desolate.

He is horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in rags and chained together, picking up the roadside rubbish and putting it into black plastic bags. They are groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands black with grime.

The Devil comes over to Rudd and puts an arm around his shoulder.' I don't understand,' stammers a shocked Rudd, 'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a club-house and we ate lobster and caviar and drank tequila. We lazed around and had a great time.. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!'

The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly and purrs, 'Yesterday we were campaigning; today you voted for us!

this thread is lame

ill try and delame it with some EXTREME RADNESS

http://cgi.ebay.com.au/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=150323844720

last edited by Spook at 16:43:08 26/Feb/09

Barton showed us how to govern. Hawke showed us how not to govern. Whitlam showed us that any fool can govern. And Rudd is showing us that not every fool can govern.

Hahaha, that BMX is by far the funniest thing posted in this thread.

is it the skidometer one

I'm Rad to the power of Sick

He sounds just like me!

Are you seeking infi's approval or something pinky ?

well he's got it!!

and now it's time for pinky to lick his a******.

Howard wants in on some of that liberal action too.

Are you seeking infi's approval or something pinky ?

It's all part of my master plan, young Anakin. I fear that you have been tempted by the dark-side.

Your master plan ?

Dark-side ?

Go polute some political forum with your poor humour.

Your master plan ?

Dark-side ?

Go polute some political forum with your poor humour.

Note to self: no jokes around Obes.

Obes takes Star Trek really seriously.

obes is bereft of humour, don't worry.

Young Kevin, moved to Sydney and bought a Donkey from a farmer for $100.00.

The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day.

The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.'

Kevin replied, 'Well,then just give me my money back.'

The farmer said,'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'

Kevin said,'Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'

The farmer asked,'What are ya gonna do with him?

Kevin said,'I'm going to raffle him off.'

The farmer said,'You can't raffle off a dead donkey!'

Kevin said,'Sure I can. Watch me.. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'

A month later, the farmer met up with Kevin and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'

Kevin said,'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two Dollars a piece and made A profit of $898.00.'

The farmer said,'Didn't anyone complain?'

Kevin said,'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two Dollars back.'

Kevin now works for the Australian Government as Prime Minister.

^^ another old adapted joke.

saying old is getting really f***ing old you guys, am I right obes?

not really a joke as such but the other day a mate said to me
Wayne Swann wouldn't know a train was up his arse until the passengers got off and told him.

I lol'd

the sad thing is: it's true.

Kevin said,'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two Dollars a piece and made A profit of $898.00.'

The farmer said,'Didn't anyone complain?'

Kevin said,'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two Dollars back.'

DOES NOT COMPUTE!

Outlay $100dr
Total Take $1000cr (500x$2)
Expenses $2dr
Net Profit $898cr

500 x 2 = 1000
1000 minus the original price of the donkey (100) is 900
900 minus the $2 he gave back to the winner of the raffle equals:

Kevin said,'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two Dollars a piece and made A profit of $898.00.'

The farmer said,'Didn't anyone complain?'

Kevin said,'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two Dollars back.'

DOES NOT COMPUTE!

Labour voter.

people are stupid and have no option to be better once they're adults?


sure - that's not true, but f*** you for saying so


I'd rather dealing with free stupids than dealing with the nazis who randomly email me telling me why I should upgrade to a *nix network instead of a MS one...


like it's my f***ing choice...


get an apple up ya d*******.. grind it into what you want

Kevin said,'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two Dollars a piece and made A profit of $898.00.'

The farmer said,'Didn't anyone complain?'

Kevin said,'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two Dollars back.'

DOES NOT COMPUTE!

Labour voter.

Pff, what about food for the Donkey? (lolz :\)
It was probably that rogue capitalised 'a' that threw me off.

Anyway it's Labor? God.

lame