A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sits down in the aisle seat and puts his black Labrador in the middle seat next to the man.

The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why the dog is allowed on the plane.

The second man explains that he is a Drug Enforcement Officer
And the dog is a 'Sniffer dog'. 'His name is Smithy and he's the best there is.
I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.'

The plane takes off, and once it has levelled out, the agent Says: Watch this.' He tells Smithy to 'search'.

Smithy jumps down, walks along the aisle, and finally sits very Purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Smithy then returns to his seat and puts one paw on the agent's arm.

The agent says, 'Good boy', and he turns to the man and says:
'That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of her Seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.'

'Say, that's pretty neat,' replies the first man.

Once again, the agent sends Smithy to search the aisles. The Lab sniffs About, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to his seat And this time, he places TWO paws on the agent's arm. The agent says,’ That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making note of his seat number For The police.'

'I like it!' says his fellow traveller.

The agent then tells Smithy to 'search' again.
Smithy walks up and down the aisles for a little while, sits Down for a moment and then comes racing back to the agent, jumps into the middle seat and proceeds to crap all over the place.

The first man is really amazed by this behaviour and can't figure Out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like this, so he asks the Agent 'What's going on?'





The agent nervously replies, 'He just found a bomb.'

A real oldie but goodie my Nana just emailed me

Qantas Airlines: Repair Division

In case you need a laugh:
Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "Gripe Sheet" which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions
recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny........... (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

The dogs funeral is on tuesday

the funeral is next tuesday.

jokes that pretend to be real annoy me... and why do email forwarders feel the need to localise the joke, like I am too stupid to know a foreign airline's name?

then the pilot became a lawyer

Its funny because they change the name of the airline but not specific things like college.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

Not entirely true.

I think the correct term would be Qantas have never had a fatal accident with their jets.

They have had lots of accidents. Unless you are suggsting they parked a 747 in a thai golf course cos they couldn't find a park.

A code shared jet flight even had fatalities, but technically it was a Air New Zealand plane (I think). They were still Qantas pasengers tho. (think it was a flight over the Antartic and flew into a mountain but nfi can't remember).

And I am pretty sure they have had a number of fatal accidents with non jet aircraft.

Unless you are suggsting they parked a 747 in a thai golf course cos they couldn't find a park.

Dude I'm not suggesting anything thats part of the email. Would you like my Nanas email address and you can take it up with her?

that email is hardly factually correct

qantas dont have a 'repair division' its called engineering and maintenance

they dont call it a 'gripe sheet' its called a tech log, or technical log.

and if anyone were to write that s*** theyd get their asses handed to them.

qantas planes dont have target radars to find enemies, otherwise geoff dixon would be getting his testicles fried

and as far as i know qantas don't have identification friend or foe equipment

and DME being unbelieveable loud, its an acronym for distance measuring equipment, which as far as i know, isn't connected to the pilots headsets or the cockpit speaker

last edited by cainer at 10:34:50 08/Jun/08

no, no, no, none of this adds up at all

P: Hey Farva, what's the name of that restaurant you like with all the goofy s*** on the wall and the mozzarella sticks?
S: Shenanigins

quantas is the only airline that has never lost a plane in an accident, they actually paid 2x the price of a new boeing to get one that crashed fixed to keep their record

HEY GUYS THE DOGS FUNERAL IS NEXT TUESDAY

Who cares if they were right or not? They were pretty funny, actually got a lol out of me, which is more than I can say for the majority of jokes now days.

quantas is the only airline that has never lost a plane in an accident

that just means theyre overdue

that email is hardly factually correct

qantas dont have a 'repair division' its called engineering and maintenance

they dont call it a 'gripe sheet' its called a tech log, or technical log.

and if anyone were to write that s*** theyd get their asses handed to them.

qantas planes dont have target radars to find enemies, otherwise geoff dixon would be getting his testicles fried

and as far as i know qantas don't have identification friend or foe equipment

and DME being unbelieveable loud, its an acronym for distance measuring equipment, which as far as i know, isn't connected to the pilots headsets or the cockpit speaker

Wow do you work in the aviation industry or are you just a super hardcore flight-sim nerd? I'm not even trying to give you s***...I'm impressed!

HEY GUYS THE DOGS FUNERAL IS NEXT TUESDAY

What time?

Hammertime.

that just means theyre overdue

well the pilots tend to have a few mechanical dramas

you mean the planes

UNLESS THEY HAVE MECHANICAL PILOTS

you weren't there