A man walks into a pet shop looking to buy a monkey.

The shop owner points towards three identical looking monkeys in animal-friendly, safe natural mini-habitats.

"The one on the left costs $500," says the shop owner.
"Why so much?" asks the customer.
"Because it's MCSE Certified" answers the shop owner.
The customer inquires about the next monkey and is told, "That one costs $1,500 as it's RHCE Certified" answers the shop owner.
The startled man then asks about the third monkey.
"That one costs $5,000" answers the shop owner.

"$5,000!!" exclaims the man. "Jesus! What sort of qualifications does it have??"
The shop owner replies, "You know, I've never seen it do a damned thing, however it says it's a Consultant."

gay

spoken like a true consultant

I don't get it, whats a consultant

jokes without pixtures but with words are teh sux

this joke has teh extra sux due to its total lack of funnay and because i had to read it to find out

haha oh so true :)

It's funny because its an I.T joke

one time when i was a consultant, i signed my letter with the title, conslutant. lol

I have a feeling HERMITech wrote that joke.

Why are camels considered ships of the desert? Because they are full of arab sea-men.

I'm a consultant :(

Why are camels considered ships of the desert? Because they are full of arab sea-men.

This is a joke because it made me laugh and it didnt take me long to read.

As soon as i read pingu's name i laughed cause he's a joke and it doesn't take me much to laugh.

last edited by Booyah at 00:13:01 21/Jul/06

A man, visiting Brisbane, noticed a musty hippy shop, which seemed to be forgotten by time. It seemed very out of place in the busy city. The man's curiosity was piqued, and he entered the shop. The store didn't seem to have much traffic, and the shelves were full of dusty, but interesting items. The man found himself strangely interested in a rather ugly brass rat on a shelf behind the counter. Ugly it was, but he had never seen anything like it -- it was so incredibly detailed, and life-like. He asked the shopkeeper for a price.

The man was pleased to learn that he could acquire the rat for only $5, and he handed the shopkeeper the money. But, before giving the man the rat, the shopkeeper sternly warned him, "This sale is final. If you leave the shop with the brass rat, I won't take it back under any circumstances."

The man thought the warning was curious, given that the rat only cost $5. Even if he decided he hated the rat, that was hardly an amount worth worrying about. He agreed to the shopkeeper's terms, and left with the rat.

At first, everything seemed perfectly normal. But as he walked back toward his car, the man started to hear strange rustling noises around him. Then he saw a life rat scurry out of an alley, and start to follow him. Suddenly, rats seemed to be appearing all around him, streaming out of sewers and dumpsters, all following him and milling about his feet.

The man began to run, but the rats kept up in increasing numbers. The man realized that he was being chased by literally tens of thousands of rats. The ground came alive, as the rats swarmed behind him.

The man suddenly realized the significance of the shopkeeper's warning, and knew what he had to do. He turned toward the river, and ran as quickly as he could toward the water. When he reached the waterfront, he threw the brass rat as far as he could into the river. The rats raced past him, following the brass rat into the water, where they drowned.

The man returned to the hippy shop, and upon seeing him enter the shopkeeper shouted, "I told you, no refunds. I don't want trouble here. The sale was final, and you can't return the merchandise."

The man smiled, and replied, "Oh, I don't want to return the rat. I just want to know -- How much for that statue of an Aboriginal?"

saved haha

I call racialism.

The word "aboriginal" is an adjective which describes something pertaining to or belonging to Aborigines eg Aboriginal culture, aboriginal paintings etc.

The word "aborigine" is a noun which describes an indigenous inhabitant of a place, esp. in reference to Australia.

A person is an Aborigine not an "aboriginal". They can be of Aboriginal descent or part of an Aboriginal tribe, but they are not "aboriginals".

It's like saying someone is a Chinese.

Racism = not funny.

Pingu and Denominator save the thread.


awww, what is wrong booyah, didnt you like pingu's joke?

vagina still full of sand from recent holliday?

actually, Aboriginal (spelt with a capital A) pertains to a noun of an Aborigine, so therefore is correct use to refer to someone as an Aboriginal.

but if you want to be pedantic, to refer to something or someone as aboriginal, is to state that they were there from the beginning, so it is not just the specific Aborigines of australia, it refers to native americans, or any other culture or people from any country/continent that were there first.

If you are going to be pedantic, be prepared to be assaulted with the same :)

Hey, I'm not racist
I just have a built in firewall against ALL humanity an I only let through whatever I want to interact with. I don't give a s*** what breed, creed or colour just as long as your not American =)

awww, what is wrong booyah, didnt you like pingu's joke?

It wasn't even pingu's joke it was greazy's, f***wits.

cry more, noob

hermitechs joke is obviously a photoshop.

Aboriginal (spelt with a capital A) pertains to a noun of an Aborigine

Wah??

cry more, doob

wha?

whats with all the crying racist s***? its so lame

How can a jokes thread become so sour?

whats with all the crying racist s***? its so lame

Again, cry more, stooge.

hahaha

what are you like 12?

You're 6 months off >:(

haha

booyah's last comment made me laugh :)

Anyone have any decent jokes that bag out cockinasians?

(this is prolly gonna get nuked)

pull ya heads in fags

all jokes in here are funny except the first one

there are some aweful jokes out there.

You can replace the word Aboriginal with anyting you like e.g. Lowyer, plumber, cockinasians, IT counsultant or anything.

Thats the joke I herd off someone else and that is the word's they used and I dont hate all abos

Q: So there's two cows sitting on an angled roof. Which one falls off first?
A: The one with the smallest μ.


Q: What is the integral of inverse cabin with respect to cabin?
A: ln(cabin) + c OR houseboat


Q: What do you call a young eigensheep?
A: A lamb, duh!

Q: What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?
A: Nothing, you can't cross a vector with a scaler!

hermitechs joke is obviously a photoshop

haha

its 'scalar'





noob.

its 'scalar'

noob.

Someone climbing a mountain is a scaler (since he's scaling the mountain). A number is a scalar. The joke works because scaler sounds the same as scalar and a mosquito is a vector if it is a disease carrier.

How's maths A going for you, clit?

How's maths A going for you, clit?

http://i.somethingawful.com/forumsystem/emoticons/emot-iceburn.gif

hehe, pwned