After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.


P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

ahahahahahahah funzies

ahaha nice

lol that gave me a giggle

Sounds like something a smart-ass techie would say :D

Yay! keep the crap jokes coming guys!

do you happen to read guitar.com eds?

that's some clever s***, gave me a rofl

i'm going to be the first wanker to say "OLD" so no one thinks they're being an individual.

haha...pretty funny though

you are a wanker DG your thread had a joke i considered old

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

best one

power -
please understand that i was being sarcastic.

Re-read what i typed, then concentrate.
Think.

yeah i know don't take it the wrong way i read a hundred things that i consider old, meh i'm over it

Yup, good and funny

this is silly.
i work for qantas as an engineer, and no, they dont call them 'gripe sheets', theyre called tech logs and no pilots dont/never have entered anything like that in them in the last 30 years, so yes its very old.

if anything they come from US air force technical logs.

It is still funny.

You heard the man, people, funs over!

yeah, us engineers have a huge sense of humour.

i think this was posted before, but it's still good. :D
btw, i though there was more of this stuff?

hahaha not bad :P