the runs is a valid excuse.
No point going to work if you're gonna spend half the day sitting on the toilet with the explosion of farts emanating from the bathroom and echoing through the office hallways.

+1 for the having a runny bum as well. When I pull a sickie every conversation with the boss starts "I can't stop pissing out my arse". This is followed by that's great and then they hang up.

Hahha god there are some bad bosses on here. The ones that "know" the truth. Why don't you become a f***ing magician or detective if you know so much? Use your powers to save babies.

because it's much more fun bossing the likes of you around, thermite.

nb: I'm not a manager, I just have a work ethic.

my old boss u could ring up and tell him you couldnt be f***ed, it was too cold, too stoned/drunk still, Meet u in there later... Was very easy going with the days off =)

The last time I got sick I went around and coughed on everyone's phone. I took out about 10 people with that one, nothing like being a complete c*** to make me feel better.

my old boss u could ring up and tell him you couldnt be f***ed, it was too cold, too stoned/drunk still, Meet u in there later... Was very easy going with the days off =)

exactly the same where I am working now, if I'm crook I just ring in and say I am working from home

the boss always tells us to stay home if we're sick or f*** off if we come to work sick. he doesnt want to get sick and he doesnt want any other employees to get sick either.

explosive diarrhea ... and if they ask just tell them you are spray painting the bowl, they will leave it alone after that.

Thanks for all the useful advice guys, I was tempted to go with the " pissing out of my arse " or maybe the " taking my wife to have her genitals mutilated by the elders" excuse but instead decided to have 3 hours sleep and go into work, talk about a productive day, I managed to eat 2 greasy spring rolls before morning tea washed down with 2 cans of V and by lunch I was fine. Three hours of work, during which time I had an atomic dump ( last nights curry) which stunk out the place and then I went home. If I had to work tomorrow I could have said I wasn't feeling well and there wouldn't have been any questions.

if it's personal they should be able to give some notice, or failing notice, an excuse.

Hahaha, look up what PERSONAL means.

I've had about 3 or 4 days sick leave in the past 4.5 years so years at my current job.

I think twice I had time off because I was physically and mentally exhausted from my workload and had a cold (studying full time and working two jobs) - but they were not short staffed because of me having these two days off and I would have made myself come in if I thought they couldn't have survived without me.

And one time I had food poisoning - and when asked why I had a day off was happy to state that was the reason. My boss is a doctor and doesn't usually ask for sick certificates (at least I've never been asked for one), PROVIDED you are only taking sick days because you are actually sick.

***If you're not a dick about sick days it really shouldn't be an issue.***

Oh yeah, and I completely agree with whomever said that long stories about why you are having a sick day (especially without being asked) are a red flag for someone who is just chucking a sickie unfairly...

How about, My cars been Clamped ?
New Owners of Harrods in England parked in the wrong place



last edited by FaceMan at 22:03:42 30/Jul/10

Have an eye problem can't see myself coming in

I chuckled. I once called up my old boss and said I was having a 'heavy flow day'. We used to joke about how it was bulls*** the way a woman can always play the period card and it's no-questions-asked. Next time I might try "gentleman's troubles". You know, the male counterpart to "lady's troubles".

saying you are 'under the weather' is technically not lying.
rain hail or shine you are always 'under the weather'

for those softcocks that take illegitimate sick days.

i always use the excuse of extreme sniffles

Take so many sickies couldn't give a s***

I reckon i only work about 180 days a year

(Peter Griffin calls Mr. Weed, his boss)
Weed: Hello?
Peter: Mr Weed? It's Peter Griffin. I can't come into work today. I was in a horrible plane crash. My entire family was killed and I am a vegetable... See you tomorrow.

Homer Simpson- " Sorry I can't come in today. Religious holiday. Feast of... maximum occupancy

(Peter Griffin calls Mr. Weed, his boss) Weed: Hello? Peter: Mr Weed? It's Peter Griffin. I can't come into work today. I was in a horrible plane crash. My entire family was killed and I am a vegetable... See you tomorrow.

oh wow that's great haha